I was thinking about when to go bouldering, during this weekend. The immediate answer was "both days" but then I thought that one day will be good, for a few reasons: first I don't want to drive too much, second I'd like to rest a bit, third I want to spend some time with g/f, and fourth I have to train on monday.
Wait before you shake your head in disapproval, I'll tell you later about that last thing.
So I decided to go on saturday because it will be a bit fresher, and I will go to an area I've only been twice - last time alot of time ago like five years - but that I've always liked alot, because it's been where I ticked my first Fb 7b, so I have really good vibes there. I hope conditions will be good.
After deciding this, I also thought that maybe I will be a bit sad on sunday, especially in the evening, thinking about another hard week at work coming, without having been climbing. Then it dawned to me why I won't be sad on sunday, and why I will be happy on monday: because monday I will train.
Training makes me happy.
Ok, now you can shake your head in disapproval.
That's right I'm happy when I train, because when I train I do it for being even happier when I'm bouldering on rock, because when I train I'm stronger, when I'm stronger I climb harder, and when I climb harder I'm happier.
AND THAT'S ALL. THAT'S FUCKIN' ALL.
I'm happy when I can climb at my limits, or even beyond them. I'm also happy to play on easy stuff, to play it cool and chilled, but that can't last long. I need the physical challenge and the mental challenge of being unsure, being under pressure, even if I hate that pressure at times. But pressure makes you feel deeper what you're doing, makes you understand deeper yourself, your needs, your priorities, your loves.
Only in trying to push my limits forward I can find the full joy of bouldering, because it's not fair to move on easy ground to avoid the challenge. Those who always climb what they can climb easily knowing that they could do more, and harder things, are just people who refuse the challenge, people who hide from theirselves, people who don't want to look deeper inside themselves.
Why? Because challenges can lead to defeat. But only those who don't give themselves 100% to the thing they do are going for defeat. Defeat is not in falling from a boulder problem, it lies into not trying that boulder problem for the fear of not being capable of doing it. Defeat lies into wasting our possibilities, in everything we do as humans. I think every one of us has a great great potential: to each his own. But we need to apply our potential at our best, and that doesn't mean dedicating every minute of the day to something, but dedicating ourselves completely to something in those minutes when we do that thing. It's not a matter of quantity, it's a matter of quality of our dedication.
We owe it to ourselves. We owe to ourselves to get home and be able to think "I've given everything". We owe to ourselves not to waste our possibilities.
Still shaking your head?