Why does everything seem to be so complicated and difficult? I got back to Florence today, despite facing two weeks without work, just to stay with my girlfriend, who's starting again her practice at the hospital and another exams session.
Today, after two days of pulling I was feeling very good. Sore, but good: it was the pride of having used some of the muscles present in my body, a thing that hadn't happened in the last ten days, with the only exception of the muscles that action the jaw and the ones who permit the "Valsalva Manouver". So today I was feeling as if I still have some muscle and some power, and I was ready to start again something.
Naturally, the gym was unespectedly closed. Not only they've been closed for ten days, not only all the other gyms in town were closed too, not only the only open gym asked me 30 euros for my first single entry and then 10 euros each single entry afterwards (going there the usual five times a week would have costed me some 70 euros, easily a full tank to go and crush - or at least try to - in Varazze or Ticino), not only this. They were closed today.
Obviously this is not a great issue, but it had the effect of making me sad: having a nice snack, preparing the bag and finding a closed door and an empty building is not nice.
Things like this really make me think about throwing everything out of the window. I hate when people don't take seriously what I take seriously: this is also why I finally understood that I can't climb with everyone. Yesterday I had some other confirmation to this: I don't want friends laughing and yelling bullshit when I try something hard.
So this is just another sad post, but that's how I feel now and it would be stupid to pretend something else.
Now: I read Keith's posts from Magic Wood. It seems it's not a great trip for him, at least for his usual standards. I've been checking the weather forecast everyday, and it looks like it's been very poor. I have to face this terrible, morbid sense of pleasure in reading that someone is having a bad trip. Why this? I don't know, probably because in reading that someone else is not happy I feel less lonely. Yes, it's definitely this, feeling less lonely. Ahh, I feel better now. I'm sad for what I thought, but that's it. Now that I have no longer that shit into me, now that I threw that shit here, on the net where it belongs, I can again send to Keith all my positive thoughts and joy for his crushing. Not that he needs it.
Finally: those who know me also know that I'm not a particular fan of Magic Wood. Firstly because I got shut down on my first visit there, secondly because I got shut down on my second visit there. I really don't understand why, but the reason is probably that I don't have any real project there, I've never had. I went there and I go there without anything in mind, just because I see others go there and have fun, but still I haven't made up my mind on trying something I really want to climb. Obviously, with this state of mind you can enjoy yourself only if you keep a low profile, climbing stuff well within your abilities, but for sure you're facing some big trouble if you want to crank something hard that you don't want, desire, love and hate at the deepest of your soul.
This is why I still have to enjoy Magic Wood, because I went there without loving it, without a precise desire, but just with some uncoloured sense of will. This is much more confirmed by the fact that right now I would rather leave for Gottardo Pass or Chironico than to Magic. Oh well, noone forces me to go there. Also, I think summer is definitely not the right moment to go there. So, now that I know why I haven't enjoyed Magic wood, I can seriously think about going there.