The return to work has been awful. I've never felt this tired in the last months. Maybe not getting enough sleep in the three days holiday I had, was the cause. But I had to go bouldering, so... You can't have everything.
Anyway the Guru suggested to take the entire week off to start again next week, and I reluctantly decided to do so. On friday, though, I woke up psyched for some evening action, and my motivation stayed strong, so I went to the gym with the idea of having a very short and strong session, because in my naive mind, I was going to be rewarded with at least one day of climbing on the weekend, instead of buckets of rain.
I wasn't feeling very strong, or at least not as physically strong as mentally, so I chose to have a long and easy warmup, then proceeded to climb. I managed to flash one new problem that I had to flash, and finally made the "one move problem" that the Guru set for me a couple of weeks ago: you have a very low foot, a low left hand on a pinch at waist height, a good hold for right hand at eye level. Then you dyno up and left to a good crimp that's hard to stick because you flag out and right alot. I had also tried it static but to no avail.
This effort made me confident and I finally decided to have a go to the red problem that had been in my mind since the morning. I cleaned the holds, the shoes, took chalk and breathed loudly in order to let everyone know I was going on something hard, like "yo look at me everyone so I can try to impress you all, but don't put pressure on me by looking too much and don't yell beta at me I know my stuff, and don't say - oh you nearly did it - if I fall 'cos I'll be pissed and I should have done it and I should have done one week ago".
This is what i thought:
"ok squeeze the pinch, right, it feels sticky, right hand there as usual, good, now match, ok left bicep doesn't hurt, now should I jump? no, let left foot down, climb smoothly, right hand there, NOW let go, heel hook and try to break the hold, fucking lock off, ahh that's nice, I can lock off, reverse the hold, right foot up, heel hook again try to break the hold again, quick match on the sloper and go to the pinch, wow easy, good heel Lore, adjust left hand, go to the other sloper, c'mon steady, NOW don't screw it, stay on feet, match, left foot up, press it, Goddammit the I'm losing the sloper, not now, NOT FUCKING NOW, stay on left foot, c'mon do it Goddammit do it don't you dare Goddammit let go, fucking do it, go for it, feet in the air, body swinging out, left hand on the top hold, it fucking sticks, I'm still on the wall, match, fucking yes, let out one yell Goddammit yes. Thankyou guys."
Was I stronger than last time I tried it? Who knows, but I think I wasn't.
Did I climb better? You can bet your fat ass on it.
Was I more motivated? I don't know.
Was I feeling something different? Yes, right from the morning. I was feeling I had to go to the gym and do that problem because I was going to do it, instead of tentatively try it.
Something like a predator knowing it has to kill to survive.
With less drama and killing, of course.