Monday, 30 January 2012


... but more importantly mean what you say.
I discovered it today: it's far easier to say things than to really mean things. It's easy to say "keep the fucking faith", it's cool, makes you feel hard core, it earns you other climbers' respect, and if you play it well it could even get you a one night stand at some climbing destination.
What is hard, I found out, is to follow that mantra deeply, to really keep that fucking faith.
Last post was about hitting the bottom; this one is about being on top again. Maybe not an all time top, but oh so close.
Turns out I really kept the fucking faith.
Last Thursday was hard. I did not want to think it was over, my form. It's natural to have highs and lows - only mediocre athletes are always at top form, once Gullich said - but I wasn't prepared for such a deep low.
What did I do? I got depressed, you can be sure about it. And then? Then I went to the gym on Friday to have a light session, then out for a kilo of pizza. Saturday morning I woke up and thought that I did not want to let it go. So I starved myself the whole day and trained in the afternoon on my board: it wasn't the most powerful of sessions, but it broke the spell; I kept throwing myself at the problems no matter what, until my fingers gave up. Then I climbed with 5 kilos on and I finally skipped dinner. There you go, pizza.
Next morning I was feeling a bit better and I went to the gym again for a very easy session, only two problems climbed and a few holds mounted. Lots of chatting, they all make me feel happy.
Today I went back to the roof.
I wasn't sure this morning about what to do, if it was a bad idea or not, to go back there so early after my epic defeat: only four days ago. But I went and I was rewarded.
Despite being a bit tired, I had the power. I had the mental and the physical power, and there, under that roof, with my weightbelt on, I found my faith, really.
I found out that I really had kept it. I had kept it there. When I went there it was there, where I'd left it.
Today really marked another step forward.
I had lost badly. I had gained something back and I gambled it all again. What I won with this bet is the faith. It's like when I watch those boxers that keep getting knocked down and keep getting up again. Do they know that they're going down again in a matter of seconds? I don't care. They don't care. They have the faith. They keep the faith. Why do they keep getting up? It's very simple: because they can.
Of course it doesn't escape me that I'm writing now after a very powerful day, with my naive mind full of happiness and testosterone.
Where was my faith Thursday? Have I ever lost it, even if for just a split second? Perhaps, but probably not. Only, I hadn't fully realized what a simple sentence really implies. If you say "keep the fucking faith", it means that you have to fucking keep the fucking faith, when things go well, and, especially, when they go bad, because only in this second case you are really challenged.
This is a lesson I learned today: we can say things and we can mean things. The first behaviour earns us other people's respect; the second one earns us our own respect.


martin said...

and if you rest enough, the power will increase even more. dont forget about all the training: its in the rest-days when you gain power - NOT while training.

so keep the f*** faith and rest enough ;)

martin from snowy swizzy

lore said...

Thanks Martin!!! Sometimes I seem to forget it...

Bendecorme said...

Es curioso que escribas sobre lo que piensas,hay que tener valor.... sin duda los dos terminos van de la mano VALOR+FE= "PODER"