Sunday, 17 May 2009


I went to take the car, in order to park it closer to home in the usual third row out of the parking spots, and since it was previously parked in front of the gym, my thoughts immediately went to the tape affair.
I finally realized the idiocy of my behaviour.
I had taken for granted that someone had tried my problems, had badly failed, and in an impetus of anger and envy had ripped off the tape. I had also thought that it was meant to be a personal offence to me, made by someone who knew they were my problems.
It didn't dawn to me that maybe someone had seen the problems, had crushed them into tiny bits and judged them not worthy, for example.
Briefly, I realized I'm not the center of the universe, not even of the gym. Noone cares about what I do, what I climb, what I set and what I tape. This is what maybe I dream about: being under the spotlight, being secretly observed, envied and imitated by poor souls who search a model in myself. Well, this is not reality. People look for better models, and even if they don't need models they certainly don't care about me.
I went in and took my tape with the "envy?" writing off. I am happy noone had seen it (the gym was closed) and I am happy I understood something good.

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