Sunday, 30 May 2010


Night vision. I have to get it. I have to learn it, and then I have to master it, and then I have to follow it through this moment.
In the last week I had been fooled that my elbow injury, maybe, was really healing: tuesday I had a poweful session with weights, in which I had no pain or discomfort, and I didn't even need to ice the elbow, afterwards, nor to use anti-inflammatory patches. I was happy and I started picturing myself cranking.
After a couple of days off, I had another session on friday, and despite some discomfort I was still feeling good, maybe I started picturing myself not cranking, but definitely enjoying climbing.
Yesterday I went climbnig. No, wait, I went bouldering. My goodness. I felt as weak as a man can feel, and after a while my elbow was fucking sore. I did nothing hard, I tried to slowly get into the moves, but as soon as something harder than climbing with a straight arm was needed, I felt a sharp pain that stayed with me for the rest of the (brief) session.
It felt horrible. I don't even know if I enjoyed the climbing I did. I am scared to say that I didn't. My friend Bengio was on fire (pretty much as usual), and not being able to take his energy and to climb at full power has been very very depressing. Sad but true, I don't enjoy doing easy stuff. Whatever the grade may be, I enjoy being at my limit, but not for an injury. I may have fun, and I did many times, doing a delicate traverse on a featureless slab, and I have fun fighting my way up powerful overhangs, but only because this is what I WANT to do, rather than what I HAVE to do because I'm injured.
So, how poor my condition is? Not only I can't climb, but when I get to climb I don't even enjoy it. Wow, to even write it, it sounds horrible.
"You have to be very disciplined" says Ben in "Stonelove". He also says "I don't like being weak".
Looking back at it, it's really been a hard day out. There were rays of light sometimes, but they were cancelled by an acheing elbow. I really really don't know what to do. I was hoping to enjoy climbing. I had waited for this day since weeks. I had planned a weekend in the Dolomites. I had dreams to fulfill, I had problems to crush and routes to try.
As some of you may have understood, I am sad. It's not uncommon, you know it if you are a regular here, to read sad lines. But one thing is being sad because you failed on something you should have done, one other very different thing is being sad because you couldn't even try.
My hope is time. Time and weather. It's already +30° here. 22° yesterday night at 10. Not exactly crushing conditions... and the summer hasn't even officially started. I have long boiling weeks ahead, alot of work and different things to do, that I will talk about sooner or later.
The climbing gym is going to be closed in a few weeks. The owners are going to split and noone knows when and where a new gym will open, if it will. I feel at Ground Zero again. Maybe even lower, because I still can't start over again until properly recovered. In this pitch black night I will center my vision on weights and fingerboarding. I need to move. I need to do something. I need to become strong. I need to crush hard things. I need a mental asylum.

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