Thursday, 11 October 2012

SPEAKING THE TRUTH

I learn a lot from other blogs. I learn how others live their lives, how hard they climb, how close they are to the mental asylum. 
I also learn what I don't like to read, and I take this as a reminder of what I don't want to write. 
I've been reading a blog recently, in which the Author speaks about very personal issues, without saying anything clear about them. So basically I read a sequence of words, that I logically understand, but whose true meaning escapes me. This is perfectly fine, this kind of self dialogue put into words, no one has to say anything more than what they want to say. And I have no right of asking to know more. 
Despite this, reading about things that I could not understand made me feel uncomfortable and also a bit pissed, because I could not empathize at all with the Author, because he (or she) was basically cutting me off from the beginning. If I don't empathize, I can't learn: everything works as in the ancient Greek tragedies, as I've said before. 
I think I made this mistake in a few entries in the past, referring to facts that I did not clarify. 
So, this post is to make things clear for everyone. Even for myself. 

Two of the most important moments of my life are still very close: the first one, in chronological order, is the death of my uncle Massimo, my father's brother, the 18th of May, after a five years long fight against cancer. He taught me a lot, humanly, in a very special and personal way, and he showed an incredible strength during his illness, always smiling, never scared. He was a tiny little man, fifty kilos of nerves, but as it showed he was made of steel. 
I miss him a lot. 
The second one is the end of my relationship with Valentina, after two very hard  years. Things change, people change, and sometimes life gets in the way of feelings. Some other times feelings just end, that's natural if you starve them. 
She got a new house and moved out in the weekend. Things are relaxed between the two of us, so hopefully it'll be for the best. 
I have been in two solid relationships, living together, for the last 13 years. A long time. Yesterday night I was at home alone, it had happened before, but now there were empty drawers, missing pictures, no dog. And I thought "Wow! What's this?" 
Of course I lived these moments in my climbing as well. I had been climbing the day my uncle went to the hospital; I had been climbing one week later, the day he died; and I went climbing on the same day the following week. This is what lies behind my post "Thursdays". Three Thursdays, three days, one life. 
I lived my relationship's crisis through climbing as well. "Anger is an energy" sang John Lydon with PiL. It's true. For quite a long time I fueled my obsession with the frustration of a collapsing relationship, with anger, with regrets. It worked, for the climbing. Now I am left without this fuel, I have no dirty energy to convert into somethig green and I wonder if I'll make it. I wonder if I'll find some kind of pure pleasure to propel me. Not something that I want to get rid of, that I need to purify. Something that's already pure. 
You can read this story behind many posts, but especially this and this
So, here you are. This is it. This is me. 
I hope this post will help you understand more things that I've written in the past, for sure it helped me.

3 comments:

martin said...

heyo lorenzo

once again i am reading your blog and once again i am puzzled how open you share your innerst feelings and thoughts. even if this latest post shares some very tragic and painful events and thoughts i like it very much as you truly show that there is a lot more going on in life then running from one 8B boulder to another 8C.... or whatever. i feel kind of embarrassed myself watching my latest blogposts, complaining about conditions on a pice of rock i try to climb on even if i just could walk to the top from behind... thanks for sharing and i wish you all the best!!! even if it sounds "trashed"... "things" go up and down all the time and when you are down - at least you can be sure it will go up again... go out, breath the fresh air, touch some nice rock with good friends, may go surfing again - feel the energy of the ocean, go out have a hell of party and walk your way beast - its all there for you, even if it may does not look like that at the very moment - you just have to go for it!!! all the best, martin

lore said...

Thanks beast. Hope to see you soon! Surfing sounds a very good idea... :-)

Benito Santos Varela said...

Joder Lore, acaso crees poco energico hablar en tu post de tus problemas mas intimos, y que nosotros podamos tener acceso a ello, me parece una accion de verdadero corage y mucha fuerza !!!!
Yo soy el primero que no enfatizo una mierda con los problemas en mis post, pues prefiero guardarmelos para mi mismo....
Deberias saber que un guerrero jamas enseña sus puntos debiles, pero por otra parte, compartir nuestra "mierda" nos ayuda a ser mas humanos e humildes....
Lo bueno de la escalada es que puedes evadirte de lo cotidiano, del mundanal ruido social y tambien de nuestros acuciantes problemas interiores (aunque sea momentaneamente), estas tu y solo tu y la puta roca, nada mas......
Por eso escalo joder, no hay otra droga que me haga viajar tanto !!!!
Asi que si quieres vete ha hacer surf hasta que baje la temperatura, despues colocate con la roca..........
ANIMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!