DO'S AND DON'TS

The cliche is that after a long time with no entries, the blogger starts explaining the reasons that forced him or her to deprive the world of his or her absolutely necessary thoughts. I am no exception, so here you go: basically very little climbing, very little training and a lot work did the job, in my case. 

After my idiotic last entry about the bus thoughts, I decided that such crap should be avoided, mostly as a sign of respect for the reader. The fact is this: I have, and always had, a very average level; only in very specific areas I could climb a bit harder, and only in two places I can climb a bit more harder. These last two are the Chiesina Roof and my board. So, basically, it's a very stupid thing to go around on here boosting my ego, while on any other crag or gym in the world I am barely able to climb in the low or mid 7's. 

Enough. 

One thing is sure, climbing aside: I am retaining some kind of power despite not training anymore. I tested some deadlifts and I was less than 10 per cent below my PB (then I could not walk properly for four days); on the board it's OK but as I said it does not count; on the BM some tests showed that my fingers can still hold something; finally I can still do one one armer with 7kg added (they were 9/10 before) and a few ones in a row with bodyweight. 

These fantastic feats are equal to zero on the rocks. And on plastic that is not my board. 

Anyway, to the main subject. 

Living and working around Siena and Florence, two of the most beautiful and touristic cities in the world, I happen to see a lot of tourists, visitors, foreign students, and the likes. I'd like to explain here, for everyone, how a foreigner should behave here, and why. 

Let's start from the "Why". 

It's very simple. We don't like foreigners, visitors, tourists, groups, students. At best, we don't like them: we can easily hate them. They don't deserve Italy. We like their money. Dollars, Euros, Yens, Pounds, the more the better. And that's all. Some times we like their women, but not always. Our idea of a perfect visitor is this: someone who gets off the bus or train, kneels down and thanks his god for being in Italy, the only place in the world that's worth seeing. Then, he proceeds to spend shitloads of money in shoes, food, bags, jewelry, clothing, cars and hotels; finally he gives us his beautiful wife so that she can have good sex at least once in her life, then they leave, swearing their god for not living here. End of story. 

So, in order to avoid being hated and treated like some kind of troglodite, please hear me. 

These count especially for women: 

- don't go out in the morning with wet hair. I don't know why you do this, but we don't like it. Get the fuck up earlier, and take the time to dry your hair. When you'll see Isabella Rossellini out with wet hair... well you can't either; 

- don't dress all the same. We already think that you are a tasteless prey for the modern playboy, so please try not to look like a herd, especially if the style in case is track shorts and tank, flip-flops.

These are for everyone:

- don't walk around with a cardboard cup of God-only-knows what type of disgusting shit remotely containing caffeine. Double mokaccino with soya milk my ass. Get a fucking caffè or a cappuccino and drink it at the bar, as humans do; 

- never, ever ask for an "espresso". It took ages to get to this stage of perfection for us, so we know that if we ask for a coffee in a bar, the barman is not going to take out his grandad's moka from under the counter. Just ask for "caffè" in a bar, and you'll get what you want without being seen as an idiot. After all, what would you think about someone asking for some "distilled malt" in a pub? 

- don't wear beach-shorts. They are called that way, because they relate to the beach. Don't be silly, would you wear a wetsuit in the dolomites when it's cold?

- don't ask for a well done Fiorentina Steak. If you can't have it "al sangue", you don't deserve to taste it; 

- never try to pick up a girl saying "Ciao bella!" because it doens't work and makes a fool of you. 

Finally, for anything else, please refer to "Vacanze Romane", with Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn. They were pretty cool. 

I hope this helps, without being (too) offensive. But let's be honest, we all know I'm right. 

Inviato da iPad

Inviato da iPad

BUS THOUGHTS

I am sitting on the late bus to Florence, to sleep at The Guru's place and avoid waking up at six tomorrow morning. I went bouldering today, for the second day in a row, as usual at the Chiesina sector. I wasn't psyched at all, I wanted to go somewhere else and a friend of mine didn't, so I sacked it and we went there. 

Still feeling a bit disappointed by the balmy conditions and by my lack of skin, lack of training and lack of time, now, on the bus, it suddenly dawned to me that today I climbed the usual problems, but still I climbed 7a+, 7b, 7b+, 8a/+, 7c+/8a. 

I am really really puzzled. 

GOING ON

Again a lot of time since the last post. Even now, I don't know exactly what to write here: is this still a climbing related blog? I don't know. For sure  climbing has taken the backseat in this moment of my life, after being at the wheel for the last few years. 

I am understanding a lot. I realize that I could have used part of the energy I put into climbing to secure, for example, a better job. But I didn't do it, so I have to do it now. 

The main change, climbing wise, is that I don't force myself anymore. I am not a robot anymore. 

In the last weeks I've been going to school in the mornings and to the law firm in the afternoons, often until 8 p.m.; I had dropped my climbing classes, and my life revolved around work. I had become a robot once again. This time it was a working robot, but a robot nonetheless. 

So I decided that I needed to take the climbing classes back, and to fit a little bit of everything into my life. 

At the moment I am still focusing mainly on work, anyway, and many things are getting close to the crux: I have started thinking about the final thesis of my Criminology Master, I hopefully will get another book to translate into Italian (fingers crossed!), I have to attend a couple of courses to become an official examiner for those foreign students that need the official certificate of Italian as L2, and finally I'll have to teach how the Italian Penal Procedure works to a class of Mexican law students. 

All these different things often keeps me awake for a while at night, but it's all for good. 

Finally, I touched some wood and some rock. 

The wood was under the form of nice, medium sized campus rungs. At last we have decent rungs at the gym!!! The ones we had before were terrible, they were too slopey and downturned, with no catch at all, so doing big moves - for me - was close to impossible because I would always slip. Now, with the new ones, you can really pull down as a bastard. A thing that I did last Friday while coaching the girls on the system wall, doing a fantastic 1-5-8 that, with 23 cm spaced rungs, represents my absolute personal best. 

Yesterday, on the other hand, I shared a perfect day with a really good friend of mine and his girlfriend. Obviously we were at Chiesina, where I found myself really strong - courtesy of excellent conditions and excellent company - and nearly repeated my old project. 

As you can imagine, all my climbing trips have been postponed, and the initial idea of another invasion of Britain this February will have to wait. I could be spending a few days in Swizzy with my good friend Filo, before he casts off to go and tech for a few months at a University in Sweden, but it's not sure. 

Anyway, I understood that if I follow my friends, everything is fine. 

Finally, and this is really good news, especially for the few fortunate ones that had the chance to try it, the mighty "Trombicche" - my favourite tavern - closed. Why good news, you may ask. Because they sold and they reopened in a bigger place, that is absolutely fantastic. Come and see!