Sunday, 18 October 2009

ON MY OWN

I didn't do the problem. This is the fact. Now if you like, you can stop reading, because after the facts, there will be the thoughts. If you're interested into knowing my thoughts on the facts, go on.

I wrote it was time to deeply look inside myself. I've done it, and despite feeling very sad at the moment because I couldn't climb the problem I wanted to climb, I think I have to be happy about what I found in the dephts of my person.
I found out, once again and for sure, that I am dedicated. I drove 419 kms all alone on a friday night, in a small car filled with crashpads and with no car stereo, to go to the Dolomites, to climb a boulder problem that I have tried once one year ago. I've experienced many different feelings. During the drive, I surprised myself because I wasn't bored, I wasn't tired, I was sure abouth the choice. I was happy, I had raised the bet and put everything I had on the table, and I was confident of the victory. Well, I can't find my victory in the climbing, but I can find it in my attitude.
Yesterday morning, when I was carrying three pads to the boulder, in a freezing wind, without a single soul in sight in the whole mountain, there wasn't another place in the world where I'd rather had been. I was there with my whole body and mind, and I was very very happy. The rock was frozen, dry as hell, my skin was perfect, my form was perfect, my mindset was perfect. I was happy because I was feeling the purity of what I was doing.
I encountered a number of problems though.
First of all, one session a year before is not enough to perfectly memorize a sequence, especially for the footholds and the body positions. I had to do it all again. Then, it was so cold that the rubber didn't stick well to the rock, so I needed to have a few warm up laps to get the wheels on temperature. Then, the two crux moves are damn hard: I am happy though, because this time I could do them with different, more basic sequences, namely just putting my feet on very low and distant footholds and using alot of body tension, and this is something that I couldn't do last year, meaning that I had to use two horrible, contrieved and dangerous drop knees. Simply put, I just felt stronger. Finally, the wind dropped and it started snowing. It was so beautiful.
Then, here it came my mistake.
I tried another sequence. Tsk tsk, amateur. To get a better hold with my right hand, I had one go using another starting sequence, and I nearly did the problem, but on a hard right hand crimp that I didn't use with the normal sequence, I just ripped my index finger. My skin was so dry that it ripped just where it plies, on the first pad. I knew it was all over, so I instead of taping it I decided to go for broke, and had my last go. I fell and my finger was deepley cut. I started packing, and with the snow quickly covering the boulders, the trees and the road, I decided that I was leaving the mountains again to their winter, in peace for another year.
My finger was unable to climb, I was afraid of getting stuck in the snow with my small car, and I wanted to get back to my girlfriend at home. After just a couple of hours, my proud adventure, my moment of glory and happyness had already ended. I drove down the pass in the snow, then in a second it was the motorway, then home.
I'll never stop saying it: the dedication is a reward in itself.

2 comments:

world CLIMBERS party @ 9b said...

Nice lesson to remember, thank You!

lore said...

:-)
you're welcome!