THOUGHTS, REWARDS, ENVY AND SOMETHING ELSE.

I've been far too brief in my last post. I had just arrived home and was facing a very very hard week, the desire to get some sleep was too strong.

As said, I and Andrea went to the Dolomites, playing our chances to have some good weather: the forecast was for dry skies on saturday, with maybe even some sun, and a sunny sunday until noon, then rain.

The psyche was filling the car, as if two rucksacks, two ropes and three crashpads weren't enough. The plan was to do a classic, trad multipitch route on saturday morning and some bouldering on saturday afternoon and sunday morning, and miraculously, it's just what happened.

I was very very nervous before starting the route, because there was nothing in place and we had to navigate the big wall above us. We did it. I did it too, leading four of the seven pitches and topping out with the biggest smile on earth. Climbing IV+ far above gear is very very satisfying for me now. Starving, we raced down the slope and devoured a kilo of apple strudel, then it was pulling time. I wanted to go to Sella Pass to finish one problem, but my very clever friend suggested we stay there, at Falzarego Pass, because we were running a bit late. The scenery is amazing, and I really really enjoyed everything. It's a very small area, with some good climbing, in my case represented by steep, steep boulders with holes and crimps and burly moves. I almost warmed up and then climbed two problems under a seeping roof, with absurd (for me) german names, a 7a+ and a 7b. Then I wanted to check one problem from monster puller Martin Moser, which was far too intimidating for me, so I set my eyes on a nearby nameless 7c. I was raging, unable to rest. I tried so many sequences on a five moves problem!!! Anyway, I don't know how, I did it. Oh wait, I know how: not letting go.

Huge dinner and loads of wine, aspirine.

Sunday we went to Sella Pass and Città dei Sassi. The problem I wanted to do is still beyond my limits and I was scared also, because it overhangs over a deep hole between the rocks, and I didn't feel secure neither for me nor for my friend Andrea. So I tried the problem to its left (hey Eric, do you remember it? It was supposed to be 7b+ and we couldn't move... Do you know why? because it's 8a...), because I was thinking I could do it. And I was right.

So I'm holding onto the holds, fighting, then latching the jug, Andrea says "I don't tell you anything more now", and I'm on top breathless, Andrea is waiting for my shout but I can't, I don't want, these mountains don't deserve shouts, I just sit there, I breathe the sun the cold, the clouds, the crimps, the pain everything is in me now.

But no envy. No desire: for one moment I'm fulfilled, I'm right, I'm rewarded, I'm not alone.

Then I get down, and the world turns again into a struggle, into a devouring desire, into an endless search for more.

I love it.

I thank myself for my foolishness.

Share my fucking joy.