I'm at home now, sending CV's out to look for a job, thinking about the feeling of that sloper on my hand, of that crimp cutting in between my fingers, of my body in tension.I will search again for all these feelings in my mind, to recall those exact sensations, waiting for another moment when they will become true part of reality again.
Am I happy? Yes.
Am I satisfied? No.
Should I be satisfied? Yes again.
Self consciousness, I said.
Well, I gained some of that in the last two weeks, really. In terms of climbing, I reckoned that setting hard tasks, unless they are unreal or impossible to gain, is the key. I've sent many hard problems in this trip (because let's face it, 7b's are not world standard at all, but for me they can still be damn hard) while trying harder problems. So probably this is why I can't be completely satisfied, because I've done these problems quite easily, as a distraction, as soon as I was a bit rested, with some sort of climbing technique back, and some average conditions. Because of this, I think that if I had had more time, I could have done Rock Atrocity, Balance, Salle Gosse, and probably Ouzo too.It's not an excuse, time. It's quite a real fact. It's hard to perform at your maximum level on single day pursuits. On Ouzo, twenty tries to find good beta destroyed me, and I had nothing left when I finally find the good sequence: I'm not Keith. This example works for everything.
I have to find a job. In this trip I've understood that if I put everything into climbing, I lost part of the pleasure, because I'm not that good at it to make my life of it. So if I make my life around one single thing I'm not too good at, my life becomes not too good.As simple as that.
Self consciousness.I really love my girlfriend.