A lot of time passed since my last entry, and a lot of things happened, mostly inside my mind.
After finding myself in a completely new situation, I found out I needed change.
The first change is that I quit climbing. It's over.
The second change is that I started seeing a nice girl.
The third change is that I started looking for new a new job.
So, I think I sould give you more details.
The climbing. The climbing is simply over. My obsession for it had a big part during my recently finished relationship, and I had to readdress my priorities. Climbing wasn't giving my anymore the joy it used to, it had morphed into a selfish, obsessive/compulsive behaviour that clearly emerges in many posts like this one.
I wanted to get rid of this beast, and I did. I didn't really quit climbing, as you can imagine. But I did get rid of the compulsiveness of it. I stopped going training on rock despite being alone and despite conditions; I stopped the circular thinking that made me think about the evening session as my first thought in the morning (for real). I reduced the amount of training and most of all, I reduced the space that climbing and training occupied in my mind.
Sometimes, I force myself and I do not train, despite wanting to. Because it feels like a form of... masturbation. For some time, it had all the distinguishing traits of real masturbation, like the isolation, the uselessness, the compulsivity and the self-satisfaction.
I didn't want any more of that all. Now I still train, in small sessions, with no pressure, and almost everytime with someone else. Many times, if I'm alone, I just do some fingerboarding while doing other things.
Strangely enough, in the last weeks the hardest projects on my board got climbed, some of them even retroflashed, and some others just hiked. Moreover, in one session I finally managed to climb all the sequence of my system wall on pinches, a feat that had been my goal for one year and half. Ten moves, from 1-1 matching every hold to 6-6 with bad feet. Each move feels as hard as they come.
On another session I found myself easily dangling from the slopey pockets of my Beastmaker, front2, with 6 kg on. Before, I could barely hang them for a few seconds. This particular performance left me in shock and I quickly went to the bathroom to weigh myself: I was still the same as ever, I hadn't lost weight. Maybe that day my skin was particular wood-friendly, who knows.
So, I see a nice girl. And that's all you need to know, really.
And finally, the job. Many things changed. I realized that this kind of teaching isn't enough for me anymore, the human relation with the studens is still great but the subject isn't so broad that it allows a personal growth and research. So, with the help of a few beloved ones, during the holidays I started sending CV's around, searching for courses to increase my preparation as a teacher, and I finally decided to get back to my roots and start again the legal practice to become a lawyer.
From next monday, I will be at school in Florence the mornings, then I'll get back home in Siena, change into a suit and go to a lawyer's firm to get my practice done. When not at school, I'll go in Court with my lawyer mentor to attend the trials and to learn how to stand in Court. Days will be long.
So, I have two parallel roads and I want to make the most of them: while completing the legal practice I will try and improve my teaching job; then, after completing the practice I'll be able to sustain the exam to become a lawyer; after passing the exam, I'll draw my conclusions and I'll see what I'll do.
This is the plan. Now I need a coffee, before going to the gym for some system training and for my climbing class. Because I quit, I told you.
