MOVING ON

 

Some good moments with good friends, for once no need to use a timer on the camera. 
Pictures courtesy of James Pearson, Caroline Ciavaldini, Tommy Ferri. 

I don't want that last post to stay there, on the front spot for too long, so I'll tell you something new. 

I decided to go back to school. 

Recently I've been a bit disappointed by the teaching, not in terms of human relationships or students' results (I know that by teaching to students now I pay the price of my past being a terrible student and making teachers go mad... talk about Karma...), but in terms of personal research. 

I am a bit stuck under that point of view. So, with the precious help of a few beloved ones, notably Valentina (always present despite our separation), Andrea (my brother, friend and first climbing teacher and mentor) and Domenico I found the mental energy to enter a Master in Research Techniques, Security and Criminology at one of Rome universities. 

It's a year long course, and I will follow it via e-learning, with a few seminars that I'll be more than happy to attend. Criminology was the subject of my second degree, Forensic Medicine being the subject of my first degree. 

I really want to give a push to my neurons, and to put the basis for something different in the future. I am not thinking to any kind of job in particular - it's not easy to work as a criminologist - but I'm sure that this new formation will open new possibilities; I would really like to collaborate with some specialized magazine, or maybe to get involved with some research institute that I've found out here in Siena. 

Still the last days, I thought about starting again, next year, my lawyer's practice period, this time completing it, unlike twelve years ago... The long term goal is to finally try and pass the exam that enables to the lawyer's profession. Penal law is what is in the target. 

Climbing wise, I also took a few important decisions. I realized that I went a little bit too far, things got complicated, and I lost some of the pleasure. I found again this pleasure in the company of good people, and I decided that I don't want to go anymore on my own. I will go climbing when I will find a good bunch of psyched people, or just a good friend. Gone will be the days of long drives on my own to go and train at the roof. I basically did everything I wanted to, close to here, and I can't try new things on my own because I need spotters and pads, so I will keep training here at home, driving only to go to new places or problems with someone I like to spend time with. 

I've been climbing a couple of times recently in a good company, and it's been simply great. I spent a very nice day in Amiata, still on problems that I've done many times, but this time having a lot more fun. Many of these problems are not very well known, so showing them to people and seeing their good reactions is a real gift to me; plus, I gather some magic energy from others, and I feel a beast. I probably just like to show off. 

I managed to steal a couple of days in Chironico, also. I went with a friend from Siena, and I really enjoyed myself. The last time I'd been there it was October 2011, my life was very different ant I got 34°... 

This time temps were much cooler and despite - again - mostly climbing at usual sectors and repeating old things, I managed to finally try "Souvenir", a problem that I've always liked. On my first go I found myself at the sloper under the pocket, not knowing what to do. With some other climbers I tried their sequence and quickly climbed it in two halves. Miracle. Then I didn't have enough left to put it together and on the second day we didn't go there. 

I will climb it next time. 

I also finally tried "Dr. Med Dent", another problem that I've been wanting to do for ages. I messed up the sequence a little bit, then with the help of a nice couple from Sheffield and my friend, a new foot placement came out and I quickly got to the left hand rail, the one that lies 30 cm under the top; there I got suddenly scared and bailed. Yes, I jumped down. Ahah, can you believe it? I can't believe it myself. I am happy because I felt I have a very big margin on the problem, but disappointed by the fear of falling and getting injured. These things are the result of a) past injuries and b) too much solitary climbing. I'll go there again to finish it. 

Later on the second day I climbed "The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner" falling on the last move on the flash and doing it second go, and then linked it starting from "Arabald" and moving right. It's a nice link and it adds a few burly moves, namely two very long, shoulder-wrenching lock offs to gain the big holds of the original problem. 

Back home now, back to work, with its bitter taste. I have many things to keep me busy and sometimes I feel recovered. 

I know that I am not alone. I keep the blind faith. 

        

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WANT, THEY SAY

Because you could get it. 

I wanted to be free. 

I wanted to climb. 

I wanted to end a relationship that wasn't satisfying me anymore. 

Now I am free. 

Now I can climb. 

Now I've ended that relationship. 

And I am not happy. 

I wanted to get more climbing, and now I don't even feel like climbing (almost). I am scared, I fear that I won't fall in love again. Everything I made during the hard times with my girlfriend, seems to be mistakes. I woulda, I coulda, I shoulda. Too late. 

But while I'm here at home, translating a new book, I hear the voice of the old couple living upstairs. She's vacuuming the floor, as she does every morning. She's talking with the cleaning lady that helps her clean the house, every day. Her husband is downstairs in the garage, putting the car in, then taking it out, putting things in the car, then taking them out. As he does every day. They complain about the neighbours, they complain about the parking spots, they complain about the dog, the cat, about everything. They are perfect. We, the rest of the world, are not. 

But maybe we are truly alive. We suffer, but we also laugh. We find ourselves alone, but we know that at least we've really been together for some time. 

One of my biggest fears, during the hard days, was to find myself and my girlfriend, in ten or twenty years, still the same; still unsatisfied, still in a crisis, but still together, used to that all. Turned insensible. 

I remember the buzz I got when I fell in love. It was more a hammer in the head, to be honest.

I think that being with her without that buzz, without that hammer hitting my head, wasn't worth it. I think that splitting up was the only thing we could do to save our other relatioship, as two humans that shared a lot of love. It's something that we owed to our story, in some sense. 

It hurts like hell. We fight the pain. We speak. I train. I try not to think too much about this all. It's life. I keep the fucking faith. The blind faith.