SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

I feel happy. I don't know if I am happy, but I feel happy.

I again got home from work smashed, and again I didn't have enough in me to train seriously, so I didn't, and I feel sorry for that.
My weekend plans are for Amiata top tomorrow and wasting time on sunday, it will be going to a pool to be more precise, but still a waste of time to me.
So, with a long part of the summer still to go, poor skin and feeling weak, my evening has not been very nice. After dinner, though, I took my laptop, put on my headphones and listened to a couple of dozens songs from The Clash and The Who, and I have to say that now I feel happy.
Because while listening to those beats, I still felt the same energy inside, the same bomb going off, the same gigantic "Fuck off you all!" that I had inside when I was 17, and I understood, once again, that I won't change for fuck, I will always be the same asshole despite age and work and everything, and that noone will ever make me do something I don't want to do.
I know they'll never catch me, and I am free again.

GRAZIE

I really want to thank you all guys. Tom, Rich, Lagers, Unai, Filo, and all the others who didn't comment but spent a thought on this.
I was thinking that maybe it's been a very bad idea to write about such private issues, maybe a true gentleman would have sacked it and kept going. Maybe.
For sure I was feeling very bad when I wrote the entry, and I was feeling very very lonely. After all, I think that it was just a way to be hugged by friends. I think I have stolen you your time, do I really have the right to whine on here, and to make poor Unai waste his time in NZ thinking about me? No, I don't have this right, but I'm a very selfish person and when I need something I try to get it.
I needed attention and support, and I got them both, and also a bit of a crack in the back of my head (thanks Unai!).
Things didn't change much in the last week, but some tension released for sure. I won't give up easily, my relationship is fundamental for me: I was with my girlfriend when I topped out on my first Font 8a, and this means something.
Over and out for the moment, but really thank you all.

THOUGHTS OF SAD DAYS

After reading the entry title, at this moment you still can close the page and read something else. What will come is not fun at all.
You sure? Ok, so here you go.
I am both sad and angry. My relationship is falling apart, and despite all the efforts I put in, nothing seems to work. Every argument, whatever its origin, ends up the same way: climbing is the enemy and it has to be slaughtered and sacrificet on the altar of love.
Simply, this will never, never, never fucking never happen. I will sacrifice everythying to my climbing, because, as I have said one million times, I AM MY CLIMBING.
The roots of this situation are lost in time, and despite our efforts to find a fil rouge that could help us understand things better, things are really at the end right now. I have found myself in the same situation before, and with the same girl, but now hope escapes me, I feel I am being forced to renounce to things I love, and I simply don't want it anymore.
Obviously, this is my point of view. If you want to hear her version to be fair, ask her to write a blog.
And now fuck off you all.