The cliche is that after a long time with no entries, the blogger starts explaining the reasons that forced him or her to deprive the world of his or her absolutely necessary thoughts. I am no exception, so here you go: basically very little climbing, very little training and a lot work did the job, in my case.
After my idiotic last entry about the bus thoughts, I decided that such crap should be avoided, mostly as a sign of respect for the reader. The fact is this: I have, and always had, a very average level; only in very specific areas I could climb a bit harder, and only in two places I can climb a bit more harder. These last two are the Chiesina Roof and my board. So, basically, it's a very stupid thing to go around on here boosting my ego, while on any other crag or gym in the world I am barely able to climb in the low or mid 7's.
One thing is sure, climbing aside: I am retaining some kind of power despite not training anymore. I tested some deadlifts and I was less than 10 per cent below my PB (then I could not walk properly for four days); on the board it's OK but as I said it does not count; on the BM some tests showed that my fingers can still hold something; finally I can still do one one armer with 7kg added (they were 9/10 before) and a few ones in a row with bodyweight.
These fantastic feats are equal to zero on the rocks. And on plastic that is not my board.
Anyway, to the main subject.
Living and working around Siena and Florence, two of the most beautiful and touristic cities in the world, I happen to see a lot of tourists, visitors, foreign students, and the likes. I'd like to explain here, for everyone, how a foreigner should behave here, and why.
Let's start from the "Why".
It's very simple. We don't like foreigners, visitors, tourists, groups, students. At best, we don't like them: we can easily hate them. They don't deserve Italy. We like their money. Dollars, Euros, Yens, Pounds, the more the better. And that's all. Some times we like their women, but not always. Our idea of a perfect visitor is this: someone who gets off the bus or train, kneels down and thanks his god for being in Italy, the only place in the world that's worth seeing. Then, he proceeds to spend shitloads of money in shoes, food, bags, jewelry, clothing, cars and hotels; finally he gives us his beautiful wife so that she can have good sex at least once in her life, then they leave, swearing their god for not living here. End of story.
So, in order to avoid being hated and treated like some kind of troglodite, please hear me.
These count especially for women:
- don't go out in the morning with wet hair. I don't know why you do this, but we don't like it. Get the fuck up earlier, and take the time to dry your hair. When you'll see Isabella Rossellini out with wet hair... well you can't either;
- don't dress all the same. We already think that you are a tasteless prey for the modern playboy, so please try not to look like a herd, especially if the style in case is track shorts and tank, flip-flops.
These are for everyone:
- don't walk around with a cardboard cup of God-only-knows what type of disgusting shit remotely containing caffeine. Double mokaccino with soya milk my ass. Get a fucking caffè or a cappuccino and drink it at the bar, as humans do;
- never, ever ask for an "espresso". It took ages to get to this stage of perfection for us, so we know that if we ask for a coffee in a bar, the barman is not going to take out his grandad's moka from under the counter. Just ask for "caffè" in a bar, and you'll get what you want without being seen as an idiot. After all, what would you think about someone asking for some "distilled malt" in a pub?
- don't wear beach-shorts. They are called that way, because they relate to the beach. Don't be silly, would you wear a wetsuit in the dolomites when it's cold?
- don't ask for a well done Fiorentina Steak. If you can't have it "al sangue", you don't deserve to taste it;
- never try to pick up a girl saying "Ciao bella!" because it doens't work and makes a fool of you.
Finally, for anything else, please refer to "Vacanze Romane", with Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn. They were pretty cool.
I hope this helps, without being (too) offensive. But let's be honest, we all know I'm right.
Inviato da iPad
Inviato da iPad